Meeting Myself Where I am

Today is March 20, 2026. I’ve wanted to start a blog for so long, and a few months ago I finally did—this blog, October Mornings. I started it as a form of self-care, a happy place I could escape to after a long day at work or during a rough phase of life.

Lately, I’ve been experiencing both at the same time, but sadly I didn’t turn to the blog. The blog didn’t show up and become my “happy place.” How can I come here and write a trivial post about the joys of being a social worker when I hate my current role? Or write about how great my life is when, in fact, it could be much better?

As I sit and think about that, I’m realizing I don’t have to do either of those things—or anything like them. I can simply meet myself where I am. If I’m down in the dumps, that’s what I’ll write about. If I’m having a rough week, that’s what I’ll write about.

Though I enjoy having subscribers to this blog, the reality is that this space is for me, and I need to treat it that way.

To be honest, my last post—the first one of the year—was high-key melancholy. I don’t know if I set the tone for 2026 myself or if the weird energy in the air was an indicator. Either way, I really need to push past this uneasy feeling and start living.

In that last post I mentioned, “I am turning 35 in four months.” Well, that four months is now four weeks. Initially, I felt kind of sad about turning 35, but now I’m actually looking forward to it. I’ve always considered my birthday the start of a new year because, technically, it is. Come April: no more wallowing, no more doom and gloom, no more sadness.

I’m still on assignment, but I’m interviewing for permanent roles. I’ve been saying this for a while now—I’m over travel social work. It was fun while it lasted, but I’m ready for stability. I know once I secure a permanent role, that will definitely perk me up.

I’m also doing a 10,000-steps-a-day challenge for 100 consecutive days with my best friends. I know I’ll lose weight by the end of it, and that will perk me up too. As things begin to move in my life, I think my mood will follow.

Recently, I learned about anticipatory anxiety. Working in cancer care, I’ve heard of anticipatory grief—but never anticipatory anxiety. Of course, I went straight to Google and started researching, which eventually led to me diagnosing myself (informally, of course). I do have a diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but this anticipatory element feels like it takes things one step further. My anxiety manifests in many ways, and I have to admit that a lot of what I’ve been feeling lately has been tied to the unknown—the anticipation of what’s to come and the uncertainty surrounding it.

Learning this about myself showed me how much work I still need to do when it comes to my mental health.

As the start of my “new year” gets closer, I want to focus on being more present in my current life and situation, and less concerned about the unknown or things I have no control over.

I know I’ve struggled to stay consistent with this blog, but I would love to find my way back.

Love you, mean it.

Tass